too long and too short

Often my time is spent in looking for things. I put it somewhere and the action was not mindful. Now I spend hours looking for it, either in my computer or at home, not in the lab any more as I have no wetlab. The amount of time I spend in looking for things as well as organizing and removing what I thought I need but not any more is enormous. Out of the days of our lives, the real time we utilize to do some thing meaningful is very short, unless we add every thing from brushing teeth to talking over the phone as meaningful. Every one has the potential to do great, but in real we either have no time nor the interest to do something. We would rather watch something some one else is doing, be a consumer.

My life is too long when I look in one way and too short when I look differently. Daily incidents of the past get quickly overwritten by the event of the present and the memory often glosses over the past, making it more horrific or terrific. I have almost forgotten most of my childhood, even Amgen days are now seems so distant. When I was going to study at USC in the evening, it seemed as if those days will never end. Then suddenly every event becomes a spec of the past and shrouded by later events.

It is like the children, who were born and now they are adults. During the time they lived at home all the time, they slowly grew up, became teenager and then left for college. Some how it seems as if they grew up with a flick of a switch and there were no intermediates, unless I look at the photos. What happened to all those bodies, the cute toddlers, the naughty boy’s, the adorable girl’s and the teenagers’ when the hormones started metamorphosing the body?